A very pregnant Eid.

Hello!

I hope it isn’t too late to wish anyone a happy eid or Eid Mubarak! May Allah accept our fasts and place us among those who come back to Him, insyaAllah.

So Eid this year has been pretty different. It was my first Eid as a wife and J and I’s first as a married couple. Last year we were already engaged but didn’t really go out together because it was annoying to figure out where we could and couldn’t go without it being awkward, lol.

It was also my first raya away from home. I was honestly abit sad to leave my fam bam and spend Raya at J’s hometown as I had never been away for Eid  like…EVER. My brothers have been absent during Eid last few years due to work and school stuff but it was never me. I was always with my family and as alot of people say…always under my mother’s armpit.

See I don’t know why malays like to use armpits to signify closeness but I guess it just means I’m still not aware that I am too big to snuggle up under my mother’s armpit already.

Sad.

Anyway, it wasn’t bad at all, I was just a little sad, read: bawled my eyes out when we left for Pontian. Hurhur but it was all good. I called home, as my brother described it, every two minutes and J bought me data so I could send photos and keep in touch. I didn’t expect my husband to layan my request amidst the errands we had to run for Raya but it was one of the first things he did and I’m grateful for that, alhamdulillah. Thank you, J 🙂

It was pretty interesting to celebrate Eid at Kampung though. I woke up to the takbeer sounds from the nearby mosque and fried chicken while the chickens outside clucked and crowed. That got abit weird so I closed the window abit to not offend them. Kesian pula raya raya ni kaum kerabat kena makan.

I met J’s side of the family, obviously not all of them, because that would take more thn a week to visit. It was pretty nice to see how chill everyone was. They just sat around, talked and munched on kuihs and pretty much helped themselves to what was served.

It was kind of the same but kind of different at the same time.

Of course the most asked question was “Bila due?” because of the growing tummy that is growing more apparent as the days go by. Gone are the days where people wonder if I was just fat or pregnant. It’s unmistakable now that there is a human growing inside of me. Although these days it feels like the baby is performing some acrobatic show in the middle of my belly.

Went to the gynae’s office to check on the baby and alhamdulillah everything is well. I lost weight while baby gained about 200g. Issit you take all the rendang for yourself little bub?

Anyway, J and I are back in Sg now alhamdulillah and we’re back at work. Hope you had a happy and joyous Eid with your loved ones 😀

Before I fell and sprained my ankle in a drain. Lol.

 

Siti and I missed each other this Raya, she even took a photo of the shortbread cookies I made and sent it to me to prove that she was at my house. Lol.

They miss me, you can see it in their eyes. Totally.

x

Ramadhan Kareem.

Every year as Ramadhan approaches, I feel a sense of anticipation in my bones. I eagerly look forward to the change that it brings in me, in the atmosphere and in the people around me.

It brings about His love and His warmth and His mercy and the list goes on.

Every year I hear stories about how Allah closes the gates of hell and chains the devils back for a month. How He opens the gates of heaven as a sign of His love and anticipation at the arrival of weeping servants at His grace.

All these years I’ve looked forward to Ramadhan.

Until now.

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Dream

When I was a little girl I would marvel at the sight of pregnant women. I believed that they were the prettiest kind and that they were at the epitome of their beauty then. I believed that they felt amazing just like how they look.

This belief was carried with me until I got married.

Four months later, I got pregnant.

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Wedding Bells

Well hasn’t it been a long weekend.

Ha ha no one in their right mind would say that.

But its true. My weekend started on Thursday and ended today. It has been a long couple of days and mind you, my body feels like it just finished trekking mount everest. K bedek. So much of merepek mar. But really the level of fatigue is no joke. I used to be able to carry luggage bags and run errands all day and only have aching feet at the end of the day.

Now my whole body aches for like three days and ohmygod I feel so heavy. Maybe this is what whales feel like. I shall stop judging whales now, I’m sorry if I ever discriminated against you whales. I know now how it feels.

Anyway, the reason for this fatigue is because I have been away in KL for my cousin’s wedding. YASSSS! Siti is finally married! Alhamdulillah alhamduillah.

Hurhur I still remember the days we sneaked away and had our private talks and spew nonsense while lamenting about boys and how merepek they were in primary school. Then it became a little more nuts when we reached our teens because I just became a trainwreck (as much of a trainwreck that I could allow myself to be ha ha ha i used to think I was like minah havoc but seriously I was never cool enough to be havoc LOL).

We went into our twenties all jaded because we kept meeting jerks and idiots that made us question ourselves on whether or not something was really wrong on the inside that we kept coming into the same situation over and over again.

We always were in the same boat huh. It was pretty amazing how similar our situations used to be. I’d start complaining to her and then she to me and then we gush and we smile and then we become paranoid and then just give up on guys. It was up to a point where our parents and relatives were urging us to hurry up and find boyfriends and we both just felt even worse. So we imposed our love on to a little band called One Direction and went ga ga over them for abit. We forgot about our sad love lives for a little while. Siti moved on to Ed Sheeran and I just got over Louis.

Then I met J in August and she met S in October of the same year and on the eve of my engagement night she slept over and was practically gushing over this guy and I remember Ayah coming into the room repeatedly asking us to go to sleep because it was midnight and I was getting engaged the next day.

Our venting sessions remained but the topics changed from relationship woes to what to buy for berkats, dealing with wedding outfits and making sure that our ceremonies would make everyone happy.

Now we compare housing prices and my appetite/nausea because I turn into a whiny girl around her and now around J too. Teehee.

Time flies huh.

Hurhur. Oh well. Back to work tomorrow insyaAllah. J and I are having Tuesday blues already sadz. Have a great rest of the week guys!

x

Update: I am still alive.

Ahem.

*blows dust off page*

*coughs*

*takes dettol*

*wipes*

Hello WP.

Long time no update. I know I know. My last post was on the 31st of December. So technically, this is the first post of the year. Woohooo!

Let’s celebrate small achievements k? Like how I completed my last physical intensive module for my degree course which means I have another 4 modules that I need to clear online before I can claim a Degree under my name. It was a long and tedious journey mind you, filled with constant doubts over how to finish assignments and hand it in on time, what dinner to buy besides McDonalds which by the end of the week I would have eaten every burger plus a salad. I wouldn’t say it has been horrible, but it has definitely been hard. Hard on my body, my brain and my pocket. Paying school fees every month meant scrimping and saving and just ignoring sales everywhere. There were times I even ta-baoed leftovers from the centre in Punggol to bring to class and that would be my dinner. I’d stuff a whole lot of chilli flakes and other instant sambal thing on top of the soup and rice that the kids had for lunch and that would be my dinner for the night. Not that I ate from their leftovers but I took from what was left after the kids were done with lunch. HAHAHAHA. Typical sob story Mar.

Anyway, it hasn’t ended yet, the course I mean, but it will insyaAllah in a few months.

In other stories, work has been a heck of a lot crazy. This whole accreditation process drives all of us insane and there has been so many emotional roller coasters that I tried to avoid and dodge that I am just exhausted from the sheer effort of balancing between taking care of my heart, other people’s feelings and getting ready for the assessment dates.

I tell you ah walaoz.

I respect those centres who have attained the certification, God knows you all went through terrible times. I just pray the process ends soon and the accreditation goes smoothly and that all our hardwork paid off.

InsyaAllah.

I thank Allah everyday for having colleagues that are united and helpful because really, really, I would not know how I could have survived this whole duration without becoming mentally unsound without them. Thank you, for stocking up the fridge with all sorts of snacks, for stuffing food in my bag when I wasn’t looking. For buying me asam when you went out to buy food, for listening to my rants on how we all are turning into zombies. For staying late just to ensure classes are ready. For lending your students to me to de-stress, hug and cuddle with. Just…thank you.

Of course, since I’ve been spending way too much time at work, I’ve always worried that J would be sick of it and get angry at me for sacrificing our time. But he has been nothing short of wonderful Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. Seeing him at the end of the day after dealing with so much craze in my brain is a welcome relief that I cannot describe masyaAllah. Thank you, J, for always being there for me. For listening to the drama and for hugging me with reassurance after a day of doubts. I love you ❤

Aiyo so sentimental MAR PLS. I tell you my husband will be grinning from ear to ear at my sappiness lolol.

Of course, my family has been a source of comfort too. Thank you for always saying “SPARK SPARK TAK HABIS HABIS SPARK” whenever I gripe about not joining them for their holiday. Nevermind that my parents are holidaying in PD righ nah. They actually forgot to call us when they arrived (how nice) and I had to call them to ask why didn’t they call. J looked at me with exasperation and told me he wonders who is the mother sometimes. TSK. Still, Ibu answered my call when I needed her advice and as usual, mother’s magic worked and I stopped shaking at the knees.

I seriously have to stop being so drama pls.

I have good news to share. But perhaps not here, not now. InsyaAllah when the stress blows over, I shall spill the beans. Hurhur.

Alright, I think thats enough of an update. Thank you for reading this far. I hope you all are doing well insyaAllah. Do keep us in your prayers.

Adu’aa bidu’aa.

x

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2017

In 2017 I hope for peace. 

Peace in Gaza.

Peace in Syria. 

Peace in Rohingya. 

Peace continuing in Singapore.

Peace in homes.

Peace in relationships. 

Peace in faith.

Peace in love. 

Peace in hearts.

Peace in words.

Peace in thoughts. 

Peace in marriage. 

Peace in prayer. 

Peace in progression. 

Peace in dealing with unfairness.

Peace in practicing culture. 

Peace in diversity. 

Peace in dealing with rage. 

Peace in dealing with sorrow.

Peace in overcoming anxiety.

Peace in death.

Peach in life.

Peace in dealing with death.

Peace in dealing with life. 

This 2017, I ask Allah for peace. 

Happy new year everyone. 

Alone

Well what an awkward title considering I just got married a month and a half ago. 

Disclaimer: my husband has been treating me very well alhamdulillah, (insyaAllah forever ameen hurhurhur). 

I just have been pondering alot about some people who have such different personalities. I just wonder why they do what they do and how they switch seamlessly between the two. 

I mean yeah, we are different with different people but I think the extent to which we differ withing ourselves needs to be normal. 

Perhaps these feelings of insecurities creep up and cause us to guard ourselves from other people’s perception of us? So we adopt the alter ego, depending on what and who we deal with. 

I just find it amazing. 

Well initially I found it annoying and despicable but then, we all do that to a certain level. To protect ourselves and our livelihoods amongst other reasons. 

I just am amazed though at those who can do it so easily without feeling drained. Perhaps there are underlying factors that contribute? 

Perhaps some might feel lonely to the extent that they cover up their differences to get along with others. 

Perhaps.

I apologise for this very random post. I’ve just been thinking about it for like 4, 5 weeks or so hahahaha. 

Anyways, sorry wordpress you’ve been pretty silent since I got married. I have a walking and living outlet now to share my stories with and he corrects my grammar like how you correct my spelling. I promise to get back on the writing bandwagon. There are 13 chapters of an unread story in my computer thats itching to be published. 

Mar kan gitu..tulis banyak banyak simpan buat jeruk lolol. 

Have a great week ahead guys 🙂

And remember…even beyonce has Sasha Fierce.(doesnt make any sense)

x